Himiko's Carpet Magic
by Monkey 2 Electric Boogaloo
Summary: AU one-shot. When Himiko's vacuum cleaner has vacuum cleaner problems, who she gonna call? Tenko, of course! That might not have been the best plan... If you ignore minor stuff like age, gender, height, hair-colour, nationality, belief in magic and a pointy hat, I have some traits in common with Himiko, and part of this story actually happened to me.


**HIMIKO'S CARPET MAGIC**

Only about half of the living room had received its weekly hoovering when the vacuum cleaner started to cough and splutter like a two pack-a-day smoker on their first jog in ten years. Shortly afterwards, it let out a string of distressed-sounding whines, then a loud pop (with added white flash) and gradually and painfully ground to a complete halt. For good measure, it let out a puff of grey dust from one of its vents.

It didn't actually roll over, lie on its back and announce "Alas, alas, my dust-sucking days are done and now I must go to the great storage cupboard in the sky! Please tell Mum I loved her and look after my cats!", but you couldn't deny it did pretty much everything else necessary for a dramatic death scene.

Exasperatedly, Himiko Yumeno flung the cleaner's suction hose to the floor. "What, are you breaking down on me now? Nyeh…what a pain!" The fun-sized, improbably-aged and red-headed magician had moved into her first apartment only a few weeks ago, just before starting university, bringing with her six suitcases of clothes, a box of textbooks on Japanese literature and a spare pointy hat. She had thought the vacuum cleaner looked a bit old when she was first looking the place over, but there had been so many other things to worry about that she had pushed it to the back of her mind.

Well, now that chicken had come home to roost. Himiko took a deep breath. "OK", she thought, "I'm a grown-up now, I have to start coping with these things. There has to be a way to make this thing start again."

After unplugging the cleaner and plugging it back in a few times, mashing its on/off button as if she were piloting a video game starship through a bullet hell game, talking to it sternly and then pleading with it desperately, she decided there was only one conclusion. The cleaner was broken and she'd have to go and buy a replacement.

"Well, I mean, I could use my magic to repair it, of course," she said, to no-one in particular. "But… my mana is too low right now. And anyway, I'm not allowed to use my powers for selfish purposes. Yeah, that's right."

It was Sunday. If she left replacing it for too long, the landlord would be bound to notice that the apartment wasn't being cleaned, and he'd go nuts. That would be such a pain. Himiko told herself that she'd definitely go into town sometime next week and buy a new cleaner.

Two weeks later, Himiko wandered distractedly around a busy department store, gazing blankly at assorted vacuum cleaners that were undoubtedly both highly efficient and brightly coloured, but also well outside her price range. She'd just been too tired to go shopping after lectures and classes during the first week, and when that weekend came around…well, she just hadn't felt like it. "I might as well wait until next weekend, really," she told herself. "The carpet isn't _that_ dusty yet. Nyeh…maybe the landlord won't notice it."

She had already toured several other shops, and not found one cleaner that she could afford. This was no good, she thought – I have to make a decision.

"Are you looking for something in particular, miss?" asked a smiling young man from the electrical goods department. He knew desperation when he saw it.

"Nyeh…I need to buy a vacuum cleaner, but all of these are much too expensive for me. Do you have any cheaper ones?"

"Of course, miss! Just over there, we've got some on sale, only 5266 yen." He pointed towards a pile of large cardboard boxes stacked up in a corner. "Of course, they're pretty small, but maybe that's what you're looking for…"

"Oh, thanks!" said Himiko, brightening up all of a sudden. She rushed over to the pile of boxes, followed by the assistant. They were sealed shut, so she couldn't look inside, but they certainly had a picture of a fairly standard-looking vacuum cleaner on the front, and it certainly was being sold at the price the assistant had mentioned.

"Nyeh… this will be fine, I think," said Himiko to the assistant. As the cleaner was rather heavy for her, he politely carried it over to the till to make the sale, and even got a colleague to help her down to the nearest bus stop with it. Of course, Himiko still had to manhandle the heavy box all the way to her apartment once she had got off the bus, leaving her, as far as she was concerned, too exhausted to do anything else for the rest of that day.

So it wasn't until the next day that she actually got around to opening the box and taking the vacuum cleaner, and only at that point did she discover a couple of relevant points about it – (a) it needed to have a dust-bag in before you could work and (b) the printed instructions in the box helpfully pointed out that "DUST-BAG NOT INCLUDED."

"Nnnyyyeeehhh, what kind of mockery of justice is this!" wailed Himiko. "I put in all that effort, and now I have to buy something else before I can even use this thing! Where's the usual removable plastic container that collects all the dust! It's a total rip-off! I'll…I'll report them to the police, or Trading Standards, or somebody, see if I don't!"

In fact, after a few minutes of sitting in the middle of the floor rocking backwards and forwards in distress, Himiko picked up her mobile phone and found the number of her good friend, Tenko Chabashira. She'd come to the same university as Himiko to study sports science, and, having challenged the President of the Judo Society to a match when he called Neo-Aikido "really lame and made-up," and won it, was already getting a reputation on the campus.

Only a few minutes after she'd left her voicemail message, Himiko's unlocked door crashed open and, with a shout of "Hyyyaaahhh!", Tenko stormed into the tiny apartment like a raging typhoon with very long braids. She rushed over to her diminutive magical crony and grabbed her around the shoulders protectively.

"Oh my God, Himiko, are you OK? My precious baby, how dare they treat you like this? Was it some degenerate male? I bet it was!"

"Nyeh…actually, come to think of it, it was a male assistant who sold it to me," replied Himiko. "But, anyway, the vacuum cleaner's no use without dust-bags, so I suppose I'll just have to buy some. It's such a pain, and the box didn't warn me about it at all. That's just wrong."

"I agree!" said Tenko. She clenched her fists. "Himiko, we're going to go back to that department store right now, together, and make them apologise, and give you a refund! This is just sharp practice on their part!"

"Nyeh…are you sure you don't mind? I thought today was usually your day for your club meeting?"

"What, you mean The Sacred Order of the White Chrysanthemum? That's not till this evening, I have plenty of time. Come to think of it, have you thought more about coming along too? My master thinks very highly of the Order, and they're always looking for young members."

"Nyeh…I dunno, Tenko, I read that leaflet you gave me. They really seem to hate Koreans…I don't know if I want to get into all that stuff…"

"The Sacred Order of the White Chrysanthemum is a noble band of men and women sworn to the defence of Japanese tradition!" said Tenko, emphatically. "Anyway, we can talk more about that later. Let's get down to that store and sort out this nonsense!"

She hustled Himiko out of the front door so fast, Himiko barely had time to lock it behind her.

It had been a unremarkable day in the department store, just another piston in the well-oiled engine of commerce. Like it did every day, it had drawn in a mixture of goods and people, and when the need of the second for the first caused the mixture to ignite, used the resulting pressure to make a down-stroke, removing all the people's money, and on the up-stroke to expel the people with their new purchases. But that was before the tall girl with the braids and her smaller friend with the witch's hat appeared on the electrical goods department on the first floor.

Himiko spotted the assistant who had helped her the previous day. "That's him, Tenko!" she said, pointing as she did. The unfortunate man looked up from his till just in time to see Tenko bound towards him with panther-like strides, ignoring her friend's cries of "Wait, no! Nyeh…Tenko, what are you doing?" Before the assistant could react, Tenko had swept his legs from under him with a graceful kick, leaving him spread-eagled on the floor with a yell. She landed on top of him and pinned him to the floor with an arm across his throat. He tried to protest but could only gurgle.

"DEGENERATE MALE!" shouted Tenko at the top of her voice. "You sold my friend a less-than optimal vacuum cleaner and failed to make her aware of its less-than optimal nature! Disgraceful! Well now, in the name of the consumer protection laws, I'll punish you! You'd better make a full refund!"

"No, Tenko!" called Himiko. "I just wanted to…negotiate with him!"

The various customers nearby, who'd been peacefully browsing the ranks of washing machines, televisions and other household appliances that lined the floor only seconds before, stood staring at the scene in dumb horror. One of the assistant's female colleagues started screaming, and a male one shouted:

"Oh my God, she'll kill him! Call security!"

Heedless of all this, Tenko got to her feet, grabbed the assistant's shoulders and hauled him into the air, Darth Vader-style. "Give me the money, now!" she shouted, only to be cut off as a couple of burly guards ran over and rugby-tackled both her and her luckless victim to the ground with an aplomb surprising in a nation not known for its rugby.

"This isn't want I meant to happen!" wailed Himiko, as another guard strode over and pinned her arms to her side.

Some time later, sitting in the store manager's office, the sheepish girls stared at the floor as the irate man hectored them.

"Honestly, I don't know what you kids these days think you're doing! If it isn't shoplifting, it's violence against my staff! Poor Hatashi-san's had to take the rest of the week off to recover from the bruises, not to mention the psychological shock. I mean, I know he sometimes plays a bit fast and loose… but really, I should report you both to the police and have you prosecuted for assault!"

Himiko's heart sank. She assumed ending up in court would mean a premature end to her university career. How could she possibly explain that to her parents? And would any other college be willing to accept her? Maybe she would end up an social outcast in an institution full of people that hated her, like that guy in _Persona 5_. Her bottom lip began to wobble.

"Nyeh…I'm really sorry, Mr Manager, I just wanted a refund. I think my friend just got a bit…over-emotional about it all."

Tenko raised her eyes from the floor and gave the manager a defiant look. She was about to say something when she suddenly realised that the store manager was looking intensely at her chest.

"Hey, keep your eyes off those!" she snapped, angrily.

"What? No, no, no, it was your pin I was looking at," said the manager, a little flustered. He pointed at the little gold flower pinned just below Tenko's collar-bone. "Are…are you a member of the Sacred Order of the White Chrysanthemum?"

"Yeah, so what?" said Tenko.

The store manager picked up the jacket that had been hanging on the back of his chair and pulled it on, revealing that he, too, had a golden flower pinned to his lapel. He chuckled.

"I never expected to meet another member in these circumstances…but if you've been sworn into the Brotherhood, I think I can take a more flexible view of things. Look, I'll forget about reporting this to the police. That would just be overkill. What's done is done, so I can't refund your friend's purchase, but she can take a free pack of dust-bags for the cleaner, to smooth things over. You should be able to find one in the electrical goods department. OK, you two, now make yourself scarce."

They scrambled gratefully out of his office. Before Himiko, could shut the door behind her, she saw the manager raise a clenched fist and announce loudly – "For the Emperor! For Japan!"

Tenko flushed scarlet and muttered back, gracelessly, "We pledge our blood in unending loyalty." Then they both scarpered.

Back in the electrical goods department, Tenko was fuming. "Ugh, I can't believe the Order would let a rude, creepy degenerate like that join! I thought it was a noble organisation – well, he's certainly no samura. Anyway, let's just get the dust-bags and go."

That was easier said than done. They hunted high and low among the shelves and displays, constantly conscious of the hostile looks from the shop staff. They were muttering among themselves – "Why weren't those two lunatics dragged off by the cops?" "Typical management. They never support us against customers. We should speak to the union about it." They found many kinds of dust-bag, but none for Himiko's brand of cleaner. Tenko was getting so sick of it all, she was about to suggest that they give up. Then, suddenly, Himiko reached up to a high shelf apparently filled with boxes containing cheap imported alarm clocks, and pulled down a flat box perched invisibly on top of all the others.

It contained the correct dust-bags for her vacuum cleaner.

Tenko was startled. "Himiko! How…how on earth did you know that would be there?"

Himiko looked at her sternly. "Nyeh…you should know the answer by now. How long have you known me?" She raised her hands, palms outstretched, to the level of her head, and announced:-

"With my magic!"

Tenko could barely hold back her tears. She grabbed the other girl around her waist and pulled her to her bosom.

"Why…why, of course, you did! Oh, Himiko, I wish you could see how adorable you are sometimes!"

"Nyeh…I'm just lucky to have a loyal friend like you, Tenko," said Himiko, smiling as her head rested on Tenko's chest, and returning the hug. "Come on, let's go back and I'll make us both a nice pot of tea. You must be feeling really thirsty after all this."

Tenko looked down at her friend's beaming face with moistening eyes. "Oh, if only you knew, Himiko! If only!"


End file.
